Dear Younger Me
This month Brett and I are celebrating twenty years of marriage. T W E N T Y. Two whole decades and I simply cannot believe it. It’s not the fact we are still married that I can’t believe or even how quickly life has gone by. What I can’t wrap my mind around is how little we knew going into this thing…. and what we know now. I am sure thankful that we didn’t know what was ahead of us. I don’t know if I would have had the courage to step down that aisle. Here’s the thing though, he is the best partner for me.
We now find ourselves the parents of three children who are either dating or getting close to that age. And I have to admit, I feel pretty confident in telling them what things to look for in a lifelong partner. I decided to go ahead and share in on the internet because, ya know, it’s forever. And maybe they will want to share these tips with their own children one day.
Shared Faith I would say without a doubt, this is the number one most important thing in a marriage. When things get hard - and they absolutely will - faith is what will carry you through. Brett and I are Christ followers and our faith has been the sole thing to sustain our relationship more than once. Because of our shared faith in Jesus, we can remind each other of the promises we have in Him when things are looking pretty bleak. And there is nothing quite like praying together every morning… even if one of you happens to doze off occasionally. (It’s me.)
A Sense of Humor This is something I am constantly telling my children. No one, and I mean NO ONE can make me laugh as much as Brett. I have lost count of times my children have blankly started at us and uttered the words, “You guys are so weird.” They often don’t get our humor and that’s okay. What’s important is that we get each other. Humor is very personal. There’s a humor soulmate out there for you too. I promise.
Enjoyable Company Y’all, this is ultra important. You are going to be spending a LOT of time together. A lot. Even a military couple like us with 7 deployments and countless TDYs under their belts…. He’s always there. So, make sure you LIKE this person. I am thankful that I truly enjoy Brett’s company. Whether we are doing chores, working on a home project, or driving cross country, we are (almost) always having fun together.
A Servant’s Heart Hear me out on this one. I know it isn’t a popular opinion. Something I didn’t even pick up on about Brett is how he jumps up to do things for me. They are always really tiny things, but they make a huge difference. Look for someone who will offer to refill your drink or grab you a napkin without you having to ask. Because that same person will be the one who walks you to the toilet and helps you remove your blood soaked underwear with such tenderness after you have had an emergency caesarean to deliver your third child abroad. And he will also learn German so he can communicate to the midwives that you would really prefer to breastfeed your baby, so please do not give him any more formula. You think romance is what you see on tv or the movies, but I guarantee you, there is nothing more romantic than this. Your heart will stretch and grow and you will be completely astonished by how much further you can fall in love.
Long Suffering This one seems strange, I know. But there will be trials ahead of you that you will never see coming. It is a fact of life. You will need someone by your side who can hold you up. And you will also need to be able to hold him up as well. Everyone has a style of suffering. Some shut down, some become control freaks, some people cry uncontrollably for days. You need to know how you handle hard times and you need to know that your partner can handle it too. In our marriage, we had to test this out pretty early on. We had only been married 3 years when my dad suddenly passed away due to Melanoma. And thanks to the Air Force, Brett was in Afghanistan when that occurred. It was tough, there is no doubt. But we made it through together.
Someone Who Surprises You We have to keep things fresh. I think we all appreciate that. Brett is a pretty steady guy. He isn’t overly emotional and that balances me out perfectly. So, when he used my late dad’s major rank at his own promotion to major, I was shocked. He hadn’t told a single soul. And I promise you, there was not a dry eye in the room.
Hard Working I think this is pretty self explanatory. And if you have read any of my blog at all, you know how I am always asking Brett to do projects for me. He has fixed toilets, painted walls with me, and even made our son a bed from scratch. He works hard and work and he works hard at home too. It is a gift to our entire family.
Complementary If you could medal in over-thinking, I would get the gold every single time. My emotions and my imagination tend to run away from me quite frequently. Brett- he is my voice of reason. We’ve been together so long now that I literally call him up at work so he can talk some sense into me. I know I am too sensational at times and he balances me out. He helps me see the other side. The really cool thing about this- I also help him to see the other side. We all need someone who complements us. This goes for many things, not just feelings. Brett has taught me many things and I like to think I have taught him as well.
Genuine Is this the same thing as honesty? I guess it could be in the same vein. Here’s the thing with my husband. What you see is what you get. He isn’t going to talk about you behind your back. He isn’t going to tell you one thing and then go do something completely different. He is real. And I love that about him.
Generous Something that attracted me to Brett very early on was his generosity. Yes, he is a good tipper, and I appreciate that. But he is also generous with his time, his compliments, and his encouragement. That generosity translates into commissary stops on the way home from work or even picking up take out when I’ve had a bad day. No questions asked. I can’t adequately express what a gift that is.
So, there it is. My current list. I am sure I will probably think of some more things that need to be added, but it’s a good start. Our kids have even started making lists of their own.
Happy anniversary, Brett. Thank you for our beautiful life together. I love you.
